Sunday, May 12, 2013

In Anticipation of Flying with a Baby

   In two days I will be flying cross-country with Mason, who is just shy of four months old. Chris and Daniel are staying home to go to work and school while I take the little one out to visit grandparents. Yes, you heard right. I am travelling alone with a 4-month old.
   This is the first time I will be flying with a baby and to be doing it alone makes me more than a little nervous. My biggest fears are as follows:

  1. Poop. Specifically a blow out. Specifically on the airplane. It's hard enough getting myself in and out of a tiny airplane bathroom. Add to this equation my big guy (who is close to outgrowing his 6-month sized clothes) and a diaper full of leaking breastfed baby poop. Not pretty.
  2. That awkward moment when. I hope I get lucky enough to be sitting next to a woman (even better, another mom) because it's going to be pretty awkward to have to whip out a boob next to Mr. Suit and Tie or Mr. Dirty Old Man. Yes, I have a nursing cover, but let's just say I am not the most graceful at using it. Mason also not a fan.
  3. The shoes-stroller-backpack-ID-baby-metal detector-ticket juggle. I have enough trouble getting through security by myself. In my head I imagined not even taking a stroller and just wearing baby in
    Is this for real?
    my Ergo carrier. Then I saw the Bathroom Babykeeper and realized "Shit. How am I going to pee?" I hope a fellow traveler takes pity on me and helps me manage all of my extra accessories. 
  4. Angry glares and heavy sighs. You know there will be that guy that sees a baby coming onto an airplane and internally flips his shit. Then he passive-aggressively gives you dirty looks and mumbles things under his breath the entire flight no matter how well behaved the baby is being, which brings me to number five...
  5. Total meltdown. Mason goes totally out of character and decides that he is pissed off and there is nothing anybody can do about it. Now, Mason is a pretty chill baby as long as he is with Mommy, so I have that going in my favor. But when he gets upset he lets you know in a not-so-subtle fashion. I'm talking full on red-faced screaming that even a pair of the most expensive noise-cancelling headphones will not tune out. So in the unlikely event that number five happens, I may have to train myself in the art of ninja so that we might escape a plane full of angry travelers with number four rallying them with a speech out of Braveheart.
   In the meantime I will frantically try to make sure I have packed everything I will need and that I have backups for my backups. How do babies so small require so much stuff? Next week I will either be working through the PTSD or I will be sharing how we managed to survive the trip with my mental health intact. Stay tuned!

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